Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He kissed a someone with a penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
