no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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