I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dicks are not precious.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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