I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
