my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
