If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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