You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
