that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
