We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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