my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
