I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
