Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
