I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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