I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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