If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
