well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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