i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
