I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
