i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
