you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
