I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
