i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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