Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
