I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
