eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
