I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
