It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
