he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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