So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
