I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
