And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
