Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
