in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I cannot find my penis.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
