U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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