I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
