grandma shit on top of the toilet
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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