True but thats because hes a fetus.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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