Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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