I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
