May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
