i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
