I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
