Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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