The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
