i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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