so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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