I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
