New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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