im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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