he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
