The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
