your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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