my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
