Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
