dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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