I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
