I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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